2009 – just passing through

	In South Grafton is the Emporium. Once a month, they hold a MUSIC CAFE which hosts local talent and donates the $3 entry fee to charities. A different one each month. Sometimes there are 80-100 people booked in for dinner and music.  Its a funny one for me. I have never been a Going Outer and now I live with a Performer, I Go Out quite a lot. At times I enjoy it. I have a camera and watch the world through a lens as I did when I was a young woman. I am also very fond of the 5 minute friendship. Once I read a snippet from a book which I know nothing about inc the author. It said something to the effect of – “ I met my best friend on a train for 5 minutes. We never met again. “
	Down here , a couple of hundred kilometres south of the Tweed, I am still amongst sugar cane which suits me. I like Sugar Cane. i like sugar, fire and water. The can is perhaps not so high as it is a little further north and the cane fires no longer burn as they did when I first came to Cane Country, but I am amongst the sugar cane and there IS a big river even though the mouth of the river is a little farther away than I like. Estuarine, I am. Seems to me to be a goodly bit of mourning in this season for me and I cannot yet determine whether it needs relocation or not.
	One thing which I wish had been part of my story is ‘a big old family home’. I didn’t achieve that. At some stage as the year wraps itself up, I shall acknowledge the things I have achieved. For now – I mourn a little. Here in Ulmarra, I have a kind of Nana’s House where dogs and kids come to visit. On occasion. That’s Charlie there in black and white. I have a preference for Staffordshires but Charlie is Charlie.
	Ulmarra is flat country. Pastoral. Out the back, a herd of friesians graze where the Brolgas danced. Attuning myself to subtle country is a conscious exercise. Some days, I watch the cows out the back and wonder what determines the blackness and the whiteness on them. I have had a lot of pied creatures in my world this last year. Birds, dogs and cows. Turning down the volume on life doesn’t come easily to me but often benefits me. A tight disciplining. When I was studying my 10 month Ignatian Retreat online in Everyday life – I came to a finer understanding of the meaning  of Passion.  I have intentionally succumbed quite a lot since then and refused to turn to Action to the relieve the Emotional Twists. Cows help a lot with that.
	For years I have kept my home very private and often lived in an Eremitic way. Opening up has let in MUSICIANS. I have resisted the concept of people being intrinsically different but I begin now to suspect that Musicians ARE ‘different’. I won’t indulge greatly in that idea as yet. However, some of them at least seem to be unusual beasts. The Lady here is SNEZ. I, myself, am an addict, and as it says in our recovery literature. WE KNOW WE ARE DIFFERENT. Had a friend once working for some rather well known Australian Actors. She encountered some difficulties understanding them until a male companion reminded her – THEY ARE ACTORS. I don’t know what conclusions I am coming to here. This is not how I expected it to be. IT IS DIFFERENT.
	I travel a good bit to Bellingen from here. That’s about an 80km run into Coffs Harbour and then another half hour into Bello. We meet up with Kati B and then take lunch in Bellingen. 7-8 years on the culturally impoverished Tweed and Gold Coast – and in one small town, I have a choice of more than a dozen good eateries.
	Transitional Regression really has me this time. I am familiar with relocating. This time I came to a place where none of my family is, where most of my support groups are flimsy, with a partner – whereas I usually am on my own and to an area which is not so dramatically different from other places in which I have lived, that novelty eases the transition. It feels as though the jigsaw pieces aren’t quite clicking into place. Almost – but not quite. THEN – from time to time – from time to time – frequently in fact – the true Clarence tickles me and I am startled into an awareness of  Otherness. Uniqueness. On the left is Grafton Airport.  Yep. That is the main and only terminal – miles from town out in the bush. I found myself unable to remain sorrowful when I saw Grafton  Airport.
	I also enjoy the parade of Dogs on Utes. I am on the Road from Ulmarra to Wooli.  That’s 47 kms of winding narrow roads with plenty of farms en route as well as Pilar Valley, Lake Hiawatha and Tucabia. We have flocks of galahs and we also have Dogs on Utes. Lots of them. I have been to my first circus since Maroubra in 1993 and I have been to Crazy Day in Prince Street. Walked out of the new Shoppingworld mall and straight into Line dancers.
	When delight and/or amusement don’t improve my attitudes, then sheer survival kicks in. Floods, fires, hail, dust. Mid 1800s this area was heavily forested but that was stripped away leaving this strange flatness. http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article12938721 There are some good Ulmarra Stories in the NLA newspapers. http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article13190885
	The  Shops of Ulmarra have provided the company and kindness that make a relocation easier. We have ahd some fun down there are the Wide River Cafe so we have. With the Vision of the ULMARRA ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE on us, work began on the Breezeway. Nowadays, we have music there every Sunday as well as Xmas Party tomorrow evening. http://wideriver.ning.com/
	One of the means of my reaching Bellingen is to take the 6.30 am train from Grafton, be met by Kati B and then dropped back for the 3.17 pm train in the afternoon. I have breakfast on the way down and then lunch with my girl in Bello. On one visit , we were passing the HAMMOND and WHEATLEY EMPORIUM and out the front was this pair of shoes – just standing there empty-footed. Identical to my own shoes. What did happen to that witch in Wizard of Oz?
	In 2009, I have also had cause to attend meetings in the Grafton CWA Rooms.  They are in the park at Market Square and retain more of  the elements of continuity and tradition which the Clarence provides – abundantly. Painting of the Queen. Hand embroidered wall hangings. Paintings of roses. Very nice indeed. (http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article8833110 ) : an interesting story about a carpet snake in the 1890s.
	Years back, they began to trash Urunga. !974? The shot on the left. they pulled down the colonial cottage and the old shops and built the renowned Urunga Arcade. Ah My.
	I have also picked up the transcription of my father’s war letters, journals and battalion roll. Now there’s a job. In the late 90s before cd roms and internet I typed us his letters on floppy disk and I think I have them pretty much online. Now for the Roll which was his last work – handwritten and painfully photocopied in his wee office at home in Urunga before Mum’s death and his strokes gradually took it away from him. My father, Bruce Sanders, is the gentleman on our left. http://brucesanders.wordpress.com/
	The skies here have the Big Sky effect of the New England. Plenty of post and rail fences and rarely a need to double back on one’s tracks. This image is out at Carr’s Creek , one of the locales on the edge of town.
	http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article13063591 Out the back is a shed. A very old shed. With horseshoes and an empty mint julep bottle. I have a mill just up the road past the tennis courts. A small mill.
	Despite the promised variety and excitement of the Glittering Coast, I have stumbled upon far more interesting things here in 6 months than I did there in 7 years.